I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
