can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
