So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
