Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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