I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
