It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
