whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
