She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
