Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
