She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
