If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
