and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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