And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
