Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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