i think i have herpe
just one?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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