i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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