Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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