OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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