Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She even gives head with a lisp.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
