PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
