I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
