There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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