So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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