we have pet lesbian snakes
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
