people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
