I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
