ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
