I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
