I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
