You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
They are going to name an STD after you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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