Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
