life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
