I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Sorry about my life...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
