well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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