i permit you to call me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
