Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
