Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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