What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
