Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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