so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
