if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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