can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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