My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
