My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
