u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
