Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
