Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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