When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
