my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
