My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it glows. i had to have it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
